wknd plans take an unexpected sexty turn

xxx-xxx1: r u outta comish this wknd?
xxx-xxx2: i'm thinkin about goin out but i can't drink, or laugh cuz it hurts. but that shouldn't be a problem if you're around..
xxx-xxx1: oh paleeze! i'll make those wounds gape and then pour a beer in them!
xxx-xxx1: [I'm just talking dirty right now]

you do the rhyme you do the time

xxx-xxx1: i'll make you quiver.
xxx-xxx2: give me shivers?
xxx-xxx1: i'm that kind of giver.
xxx-xxx2: me likey!
xxx-xxx1: i want you sooooo bad
xxx-xxx2: who is this?
xxx-xxx1: just a boy in hot pursuit.

memorieees

xxx-xxxx1: i think about fucking you all the time.
xxx-xxxx2: remember that time i made you cum so hard it went all over the kitchen floor? god, that was so hot. i've never seen/done anything like that before.
xxx-xxxx1: yea that was pretty cool until i had to get the mop out and clean the whole mess up... newayz

vlogish

Girls Just Want To Be Sexted - watch more funny videos

party tip

after you finish that bottle of andre champagne use it to play spin the bottle!!! reduce, reuse and recycle. make sure there are plenty of sexy teens in the room. yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!

this is why i sext

when i told my boss how i had some oysters last night with dinner he asked me if it was true about how they're supposed to be aphrodisiacs. i said i couldn't tell if they worked or not because i'm so horny all the goddamned time it wouldn't make a difference.

Are you turned on yet?

SEND YOUR SEXTS TO:
Jesusimhorny@gmail.com
(all anonymous- unless you prefer to be exposed...lol)

sext @ work

xxx-xxxx1: Are you ready to sext?
xxx-xxxx2: Totally, just start it off. Whisper me something sexy.
xxx-xxxx1: I wanna put you into a full nelson and lick your toes.
xxx-xxxx2: You have done it! I wanted to go get some coffee, but i can't leave my desk now because I have a boner.
xxx-xxxx1:Tell me more about that bone tone.
xxx-xxxx2: I have a pretty good boner going, and i can't conceal it because i'm wearing my work slacks and have my shirt tucked in...
xxx-xxxx1: Are they dockers? Are you playing pocket pool??
xxx-xxxx2: No, they're Brooks Brothers. Light beige Brooks Brothers. I'm not playing pocket pool, but i am masterbating.
xxx-xxxx1: You are making it really easy to fuel my fantasy.
xxx-xxxx2: Whats your fantasy!? Me, jerking off in my cubicle? BE HONEST!
xxx-xxxx1: Well i would be there of course...

too confused to sext/afraid of the unknown

xxx-xxx1: jesus i'm horny
xxx-xxx2: Would u like some assistance? I think jesus is busy
xxx-xxx1: Yes. I have a handsome vagina
xxx-xxx1: 860? That vag probably smells like Penns landing in july...
xxx-xxx2: do you have a fat weener?
xxx-xxx1: Connecticut huh ? i guess you're bridgeport white trash.. No ? really.. Do i know u? Were u my bitch back in grade school or something?

serious sextual tension

xxx-xxxx1:I'm sexting you
xxx-xxxx2: I'm sexting you from across the room.
xxx-xxxx1: I watched you sext me, It was very sexty.
xxx-xxxx2: Jesus, I'm horny
xxx-xxxx1: This is a lot weirder when I can see you.
xxx-xxxx2: just relax and let it happen...don't look at me.
xxx-xxxx1: I wanna throw tall beer cans towards your genitals
xxx-xxxx2: Make it a sext pack
xxx-xxxx1: Make it a facebook app
xxx-xxxx2: Run your fingers through my keys
xxx-xxxx1: Put your key in my lock and twist
xxx-xxxx2: Will you show me where your key is?
xxx-xxxx1: You already know, you're the keymaster. Just gotta find out whats behind the lock...

Pro Tipz n Skillz

Take your phone with you and sext while on the can at work. This way you can utilize all of your time to it's maximum potential. If boss asks "why you spendin so much time in that bathroom lately?" just say "i'm exploring my body", that'll do the trick. ;-)

werd of tha day

Flexting= sexting while pumpin iron in front of the mirror at the gym

Sweet Symphonies

xxx-xxxx1: Tell me your sextual fantasy...
xxx-xxxx2: Dressed up in civil war garb, you fucking me up the butt with a musket while Beethoven symphonies play backwards on a broken turntable. And we're sky diving.
xxx-xxxx1: I'm afraid of heights but I'll gladly be your musket master. Beethoven turns me on BIG TIME.
xxx-xxxx2: Yeah, he was a sexual master- we'll get some crescendos of our own going. Maybe you can reach around to my confederate flagpole.
xxx-xxxx1: I can hoist a good flagpole..let me be your nurse in our civil war reenactment.
xxx-xxxx2: Wet nurse, preferably. As long as i can be Abe Lincoln. I'll need a mighty tall, crooked hat to cover my lincoln log.
xxx-xxxx1: Ooohh Abe, let me tend to your wounds. Take that crooked hat off for the wettest nurse in this war. I'm yearning for your massive log...

bad timing... or maybe good

xxx-xxx1: I need that pussy
xxx-xxx2: tonight's not good for me i just got my period
xxx-xxx1: So I'll fuck u in the ass
xxx-xxx2: there's no way that you're huge cock is going to fit in there
xxx-xxx1: Sure it will after I taste it... where there's a will there's a way... first u'll cry then u'll moan

asspirationz (all true)

xxx-xxx: When Katherine Lee Bates took a wagon, or whatever, to the top of Pikes Peak in Colorado Springs she was so overcome by the landscape that she was moved to write America the Beautiful. Or when Stendahl had that fainting spell after being overcome by the beauty of the works of art in the Uffizi. That's how I felt today after seeing your ass. I couldn't check my reaction. It was I that I wouldn't even try and control.

I was a fool to believe..lol

xxx-xxxx1: Jesus, i'm horny!
xxx-xxxx2: Yah, i'm holding it thinking of you, but if you wanna know how big it is you need to find out for you..I promise it's worth it.
xxx-xxxx1: i love you soooo much 8-)
xxx-xxxx2: And i love you too :-) all i can think about is you.
xxx-xxxx1: Will you be my boy toy?
xxx-xxxx2:Yes i want to b ur toy, whatever you want i give. ill b nothing more than yours to fuck :)

sneak/snack attack?

xxx-xxxx: Come to karaoke!
xxx-xxxx: Thanks, but i would sincerely prefer to sext the taste outta yo mouth..

Hungry for Sext

xxx-xxxx: Whats your favorite condiment for use in sexual play?
xxx-xxxx: Definetly sour cream, let me be your burrito baby..

dream come true

xxx-xxxx: i wanna make you ying-yang pancakes the morning after i make you a dead-beat baby daddy < 3

strange but cool

xxx-xxxx: i have a thing for foxxxy anemic ladies

Mermaid Love

She has the sweetest taste of sand. Every bit I taste I want it more. Come closer.

word of the day

Chexting= sexting while eating party bag chex mix.

Immaculate Conception

xxx-xxxx: I sext you in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit. Amen

short and sweet

xxx-xxxx: my penis, your head...

uh oh

xxx-xxxx: are you doing all my ridalin and fucking strange men???

Foreign BlowJob Eyezz

xxx-xxxx: I saw you at partay; I happened to be getting bj from girlfriend (i'm from far away land) your eyes hypnotizes me, text me l8r beautiful blowjob eyez